This is your only trigger warning. This is my personal traumatic experience. Do not read if you are not in the mental head space to do so.

Most of us know about the mess that the year 2012 was. Still, it is now overshadowed by the pandemic of 2019. A lot of us experienced both personally, and if you did you need intensive therapy. I personally feel like the only way we knew to cope was to just keep going. Ignoring the mess it created around us and to us personally. And it did create a mess even if you don’t think you were affected by it.

I was one of the unfortunate ones directly affected by the mess of 2012. Because why is this the case? Like why did I have to be conveniently living with Jesus fanatics at this time? And I do believe history will repeat itself sadly, except not for me this time, hopefully. 

In the year 2012, many people believed the world would end. They thought this due to a misinterpretation in the Mayan calendar. This misinterpretation has moved the new end date to 2030. My Grandmother mentioned this during our most recent conversation. However, I have not seen an article to confirm this. So yeah history will repeat itself.

During 2012, we experienced “The End of Days.” People were selling all of their possessions. Many turned their life to God. Some were stockpiling for the end of days. Others used this time as an opportunity to commit crimes, thinking there would be no consequences. 

No hate, no shade but to the people who sold everything, why? You can’t take the money to heaven so like why? Besides if everything in Heaven is better than Earth, it’s not like you would be missing out on anything.

What experiences did you need that badly? Same with the crime people, like why not just wait for the rapture? Ya know? Like why risk it? Anyway, those are just questions. They make my head hurt trying to make sense of them. That’s not what we are here for.

Let’s get into the trauma that I still have to unpack as part of my church hurts okay. So imagine you are 15 years old living with your religious grandparents who are a part of a cult. (They refuse to admit it but if the church has a say in what you can read, watch, and listen to it’s a cult. They are still active members.)

You’re pregnant in sin. The church likes to do sermons on fornication and other things that seem targeted at you. Your grandparents are constantly preaching about repenting and turning a better life towards God. Take all this in.

One day during 2012, while you’re pregnant, they start playing end of days type of movies. This includes the movie 2012. Like why? Like we all know pregnancy hormones already drive us crazy right? All this mixed together was not good for my mental health. Imagine the trauma for just a moment. 

Now that I am an adult, I like to joke with my friends. I say that my family collectively decided I would be a science experiment. They wanted to see how much the human psyche could take before it breaks. It felt like if it wasn’t at church (that we went to 2-4 times a week), it was at home.

Both places constantly reminded you that you’re a sinner. You will probably be left behind if you don’t do something soon. Plus we all know that in the bible unbaptized babies go to the 1st ring of hell. (If memory serves me well).

So now I also have a mothers guilt. I worry about us being left behind on Earth with rapists and murderers. That’s the image the Preacher painted. Or I would go to Heaven and she would be left behind if I didn’t get her baptized in time. 

As you could imagine this is around the first time I have had my first real bad panic attack. Like a really bad one. I actually told my grandparents I was having one. (I normally kept them hidden because they thought everything was a demon and would ‘pray it away’.) Now why did I think they would do anything different? Maybe in my panic I couldn’t think straight. Who knows why, because they didn’t help. They just prayed the anxious demon away. I sat there trying to calm myself down. It was clear I wasn’t going to get any real help. I never told them of another panic attack, naturally. 

I mention this because recently, I spoke with my Grandmother. She told me that I need to forgive everyone in the family for the things they have done. She also suggested that I start getting close to the family. This is because things are supposed to end in 2030. When she said that it triggered everything from 2012. I had somehow suppressed all of these events.

Like most of the collective, I just decided to keep moving on as if none of this ever happened. She reopened my eyes when she said that. I just don’t think she knows the damage she caused when I was younger. If she did surely she wouldn’t have made that statement right? Let’s hope not. Let’s hope it was an unintentional accident. However, I do believe I am my family’s experiment. My siblings never experienced the things I did, but that’s okay. This isn’t about that.

Why do I think history will repeat itself in 2030? Because, sadly, the cult my Grandparents are a part of has sister churches. Meaning there is a large number of people that have this belief. I am also sure they are not the only ones. If the world was to end in 2030 I think it would be due to climate change then anything else. Let’s face it.

As a collective, we do not take care of our earth. If you live in an apartment like mine, we don’t even have recycling that collects here. In a world filled with convenience, most people aren’t going to recycle if it’s not convenient. Additionally, from what I have heard, not all recycling is actually being recycled. I doubt the world ending would be biblical. It would be from our own poor choices. 

If anyone who believes in the end of days reads this, just allow your family to enjoy their last days. Why the unnecessary trauma?